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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn’t park anywhere near that place.” – Steven Wright


“I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.” – Sue Sylvester, Glee


“Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.” – Aristotle


Phil Dunphy of Modern Family: “If you show enough houses, you learn all the tricks. Every realtor is just a ninja with a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues all over the place, but not me. I’m completely clueless.”  –  “You can insult a lot of things about me – my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises – but don’t insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s because I just sold it!”  –  “I’m not saying J.J. is small, but in the real estate section he was described as ‘charming.’”


“No, I could never, never, never sell this house.  I’m terrified of realtors.”  “There are two kinds of fears; rational and irrational.  Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.” – Aunt Josephine and narrator, A Series of Unfortunate Events


 “I guess it’s better to have to kill a deal than to kill a client…..”  Comment on What the Ted’s Facebook page


“There’s plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket– There are only 5 of them in the whole world, and that’s all there’s ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?” Grandpa George, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory


“Just what we need, another sleep deprived, rummy real estate agent…”  Comment What the Ted’s Facebook page


“It’s easy to assume that vivid emotions spring from the truth. I’m not so sure. They often come from fear and confusion and well-told stories.”  Seth Godin


Lucy: I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that. 
Charlie Brown: What is it you want?
Lucy: Real estate.


“That’s all your house is, a place to keep your stuff.  A pile of stuff with a cover on it. Sometimes you need to move.  Why?  Too much stuff!  Did you ever notice when you go to other people’s houses there is no room for your stuff? Their stuff is all over!  And what awful stuff it is! Where did they get this stuff?”  – George Carlin


“You ain’t no kind of man if you ain’t got land.” – Delmar O’ Donnell, Oh  Brother Where Art Thou 


“Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old my father said to me…” 
“Get out.” 
” Ha ha. Before that. He said, “Son, stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they’ll pay through the nose to get it!” – Lex Luthor, Superman 1978


“History is written by the winners, and the winners aren’t always the good guys” – Jeannette Walls, Half Broke Horses

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